Song of the Week

Let the Rain - Sara Bareilles

I wish I were pretty
I wish I were brave
If I owned this city
Then I'd make it behave

And if I were fearless
Then I'd speak my truth
And the world would hear this
That's what I wish I'd do, yeah

If my hands could hold them you'd see
I'd take all these secrets in me
And I'd move and mold them to be
Something I'd set free

I want to darken in the skies
Open the floodgates up
I want to change my mind
I want to be enough
I want the water in my eyes
I want to cry until the end of time

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight

I hold on to worry so tight
It's safe in here right next to my heart
Who now shouts at the top of her voice
Let me go, let me out, this is not my choice

And I always felt it before
That the world was filled with much more
Than the drowning soul I've learned to be
I just need the rain to remind me

I want to darken in the skies
Open the floodgates up
I want to change my mind
I want to be enough
I want the water in my eyes
I want to cry until the end of time

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down

I want to let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down
Let the rain come down
Make a brand new ground
Let the rain come down tonight

        The song is about rebirth. There are times when the world is a great foe and all you can do is cry. You wish you were better at something but your best isn't enough to prove to the world that "you will" and "you can". You wish you were brave enough to dare tell what your heartaches are but your own heart is the safest place as of the moment. But in this song, it says that crying is a great outlet to throw away those bad ideas. You just have to let the tears flow like flood until you feel the pain no more. And after the crying is done, you feel great. Am I right? After wiping those baby eyes, you feel that you had just created a new you. A stronger, confident, and fresh you. Like what the song said, "let the rain come down and make a brand new ground". 

Self-Murder

Take off my eyes
and me be blind to not see the world
Because the world is full of lies.
and fully clothed of what was bold.

Take off my ears
So i can hear no more
the senseless jabbers through the years
and the strings of the harp grew cold
Music there was never more

Take off my tongue
the world influenced it with darkness
Jewels there are none
Only daggers, snakes, and wickedness
Better keep it shut

Take off my heart
because its heavy to carry
It has been filled with sorrows and pains
and no more space for love and happy gains

Without my senses I might live a better life
If the case is living in the shadows of darkness
Let Death be my guide
To get out from the wretched

Self-pity and Insecurity

“I never saw a wild thing sorry for itself. A small bird will drop frozen dead from a bough without ever having felt sorry for itself.” ― D.H. Lawrence, Complete Poems of D. H. Lawrence

       This quote is supposed to inspire me for what I am going through right now but I don't see any sense.  One thing I hate about myself is that I oftentimes pity myself. I don't know why but I just felt that my imperfectness is taking over me. Sometimes, it is not enough to tell yourself to be strong and stand tall tomorrow. It is not enough. The ugliest truth is that doing that only makes it worse because saying" I will be strong tomorrow" only reminds you of all those ugly words that you are running away from- in my case ,though. Its very ironic and hurtful. The world seemed like a perfect place and you don't have a place in it.

       Every time the people around me -let's say my family and friends- talks about perfection, I am kept in silence and trying to endure shame and imperfectness. Deep inside, I cry. I cry so hard that keeping it inside is not enough. Its so painful. Its seemed that what they say pressures you to achieve those but no matter how hard you try to reach it, nothing's changed. You are still the same old you who did not reach the "STANDARDS". 

        Probably, this is just all about my insecurities. No, I'm wrong- this is really about my insecurities. I am just regular guy who do stuffs that e fancies and doesn't care about what others look at me. I was blind. I did not see the other colors that this world have. I am not prepared. I am not prepared and when the time that I saw the world and all of its colors, I was down.  I do not possess a perfectly engineered body like those awesome dudes in magazines and posters. I am as skinny as a flagpole (or even a flagpole has much innards than me). Every time I stroll down the mall and pass those headless mannequins wearing nice clothes, I stare at those closely. I imagine my life if my body was like that of them. I guess I will be popular or perhaps I might even proudly say that I had a lot of girlfriends and they all crave for me. But no, I do not and I cannot. Dreams are the only thing that is free for guys like me. Well, at least I still have my hopes and dreams. But will it be just a dream? Perhaps i should just spend my life in sleep and wake up no more in from reality.

       There are also times in class when I wished I was as smart as those people who are smarter than me. Then probably I will not be compared. I imagine that I was the teacher's favorite., lot's of people will be impressed, I am known and people wants to know more about me- pure fame. Its a real cliche life, ain't it? Some rich, nice-looking guy who is smart and can control people over his hands because of his charms and charisma. Though cliche, I still wish my life is like that.

       If my life was a dream, I will never wake up. But wait. A thought just came to me. If my life was a dream, then probably i couldn't fell the happiness I felt from the past. I won't be able to meet those people who gave color to my life. If I was still in a dream, I might not wear those smiles in my entire life. How stupid of me. Though I badly wanted those things, I won't risk of losing them. A pure smile cannot be replaced. The love they gave me was an aroma that made these two lips curve upwards. I should be thankful. The quote finally made sense :D

Song For the Week

HAIR - Lady Gaga
Whenever I'm dressed cool my parents put up a fightAnd if I'm hot shot, mom will cut my hair at nightAnd in the morning I'm short of my identityI scream, "Mom and dad, why can't I be who I wanna be, to be?"

I just wanna be myself and I want you to loveMe for who I amI just wanna be myself and I want you to knowI am my hair

I've had enough, this is my prayerThat I'll die livin' just as free as my hairI've had enough, this is my prayerThat I'll die livin' just as free as my hair

I've had enough, I'm not a freakI just keep fightin' to stay cool on the streetsI've had enough, enough, enoughAnd this is my prayer, I swear

I'm as free as my hairI'm as free as my hairI am my hairI am my hair

Free as my hai-ai-airHai-ai-air, hairFree as my hai-ai-airHai-ai-air, hai-ai-air

Sometimes I want some raccoon or red highlightsJust because I want my friends to think I'm dynamiteAnd on Friday, Rock City High School danceI've got my bangs to hide that I don't stand a chance, a chance

I just wanna be myself and I want you to loveMe for who I amI just wanna be myself and I want you to knowI am my hair

I've had enough, this is my prayerThat I'll die livin' just as free as my hairI've had enough, this is my prayerThat I'll die livin' just as free as my hair

I've had enough, I'm not a freakI just keep fightin' to stay cool on the streetsI've had enough, enough, enoughAnd this is my prayer, I swear

I'm as free as my hairI'm as free as my hairI am my hairI am my hair

Free as my hai-ai-airHai-ai-air, hairFree as my hai-ai-airHai-ai-air, hai-ai-airr

I just want to be free, I just want to be meAnd I want lots of friends that invite me to their partiesDon't want to change and I don't want to be ashamedI'm the spirit of my hair, it's all the glory that I bear

I'm my hair, I am my hairI'm my hair, I am my hairI am my hair, I am my hair, I am my hairIt's all the glory that I bear

I'm my hair, I am my hairIt's all the glory that I bearI'm my hair, I am my hairI'm my hair, yeah, yeah

It's all the glory that I bearI'm my hair, yeah, yeahIt's all the glory that I bearI'm my hair, yeah, yeahIt's all the glory that I bearI'm my hair, yeah, yeah

I've had enough, this is my prayerThat I'll die livin' just as free as my hairI've had enough, this is my prayerThat I'll die livin' just as free as my hair

I've had enough, I'm not a freakI just keep fightin' to stay cool on the streetsI've had enough, enough, enoughAnd this is my prayer, I swearI'm as free as my hairI'm as free as my hair

I am my hair, I am my hair

Ooh I'm my hair, I'm my hair

"I just wanne be free, I just wanna be me..." - Lady Gaga

I love this song because it started in a mellow tune and then after the first chorus it becomes more of  a techno pop and has an up and lively beat. It is a very fun song to sing, too, because of the rhyme schemes. But, I love this song mainly because of the message that it brings to me. The song tells me that there people in this world who can't accept you and who can't love you for who you are and what they do instead is fill you with their standards. They call you a freak. But just screw all of those pointless jabber and just continue strutting the streets for who you are. Be as free as your hair because it's all the glory you bear :D 

A Basket-Case

I've been watching the movie "The Breakfast Club" for several times already. The movie revolves around five students from different stereotypes (a jock, a brainiac, the prom queen, a weirdo, and a bully) who got in detention and ended up discovering their selves. This movie is one of the most popular teenage brat-pack movies back in the '80s because it represents every teenagers who's going out on something and is tormented in the norms of high school and life.

The thing that I like about this movie is that every character has some kind of connection in me despite their differences. I found that inside an individual, their are lots of personality which we possess but we cannot notice. Inside us, we are a dork who loves knowledge and explore the wonders of life, an athlete in which we win on something because that's what we do and not what we want to do, a royalty where we want to be noticed always by others in order to feel good about ourselves, a criminal were we become a bad-ass and imply fear on others to avoid inferiority, and a basket-case in which we have no direction in life and do things that pops on our mind due to emotional distress.

A basket-case. It can be a synonym for crazy, lunatic, and I am guessing there are more. But these kind of people can be easily defined as hopeless and in a useless condition. The simplest terms and the most convenient definitions for these kind of people are just based on what others see on them. Inside the tangled mind and pointless actions, there are stories that might catch our thoughts and hearts. They are like those titanic robots in Transformers, they are more than meets the eye.

Since they are "emotionally unstable", I can say that there is a story behind it. Some basket-case are being ignored by their loved one and what they do is they run out from home and find someone to lean on. But they can't lean on no one because they are not accepted (probably because of how they look or there social status). So what they do, they utilize nature as a friend. They TALK to things they think they can rely to even if this thing is just their own self. In some cases, there comes a point where loneliness becomes their friend and they let their own demise swallow them whole and then they begin to isolate their selves from society thinking that they cannot be understood and they do not belong on that place. They do not socialize because they think that everyone only sees them outside and not the story inside the person. They can't rely on no one  but to their own. 

They begin to imagine things and create their own world where they are accepted and where they think they can lean on someone 24/7. Life is sadder in there condition.And inch by inch, they become trapped by their own mind. But ironically, they loved being trapped in this imaginary vortex. They wanted to stay there because in there they can suppress their haunting and painful past and live in an extreme world created by their own minds. That is why sometimes they do crazy things on purpose to divert the sad thought into a happy one.

Others might say that their personality are just one-sided. They are wrong. Their personality is a complicated polygon with many sides. You'll never know what you get. Despite all the crazies they showcase, they still know how to care, how to laugh, how to cry, how to listen, and how to love.

Back To Black

Learn to appreciate what the dark was before

For t’was the dark that made the moon and stars glow

When being married to light, don’t forget what gave encouragement

The bullied shall shine and the weak shall gain strength

And this dark will make a new man

Tell your tale to those who ask

Tell them everything, even the ill deeds

And let you be judged accordingly

For the dark will be one’s greatest wisdom

The questions that haunt you shall be fixed

And the dark shall provide the reply

Unveil the fabric of shame

But never throw it or do the same

Let it be a legacy of the error

And share it so others will be as strong as you

The blast of the past should not be forgotten

For it made thee what it was now

The ugly should be remembered

To remind the beauty what it was

At the end of a dark cave shines the sun

At the heart of an enemy there is salvation

At the darkest hour shines a light.

The rest will be silence

And other else will be a song.

#2 Stepping to their Muddy Shoes

December 15^th when I went back home to my hometown in Agusan del Sur. I was very happy to be welcomed warmly by my family. I was thinking I’ll be getting a perfect break as a leave the academics for a short time. Yet, it didn’t happened as what I expected it to be.

The moment I heard about the news I didn’t believe on it at first. Then I started to worry the whole Filipino netizens have been talking about it. I never expected that Iligan City would be very affected that much. I was so scared. I started to worry about the people I cared who were currently residing there. I felt a little bit guilty for the reason why I went home so early in my hometown. If it wasn’t because of my eagerness and longing for home, I would’ve been there helping those unfortunate individuals who lost their homes and foundations of hard works.

                I had a deep thought. What if I was on the places of those who were badly affected by that rampaging storm? As I looked unto my position that time, I felt so lucky and blessed at the same time unthinkable. The innocent perishes the sin of the guilty. When it comes to that situation, I feel pity to those. It’s like I wanted to give them a helping hand yet I can’t because I am miles away, literally.

                What affected me most was when I heard that many have lost their lives in order to find survival. The berserk current and rampaging winds made the probability of surviving go low. Also because of the devastating force of the storm, communication signals were jammed. Even screams were useless. What if I was one of them? I may be a little bit selfish because I was more concerned about myself yet I am still on the great depression. I worried about my peers I gained in Iligan.

                All I can give were prayers for safety. But I guess the tragedy was just nature’s feedback to man’s disruption to the cycle between nature and humans. For my own views, humans once again proved unworthy in living this planet and the Great Deity was just paying back of the unworthiness. Another dark time has reigned in history.  I prayed that this situation will be a lesson to be learned to attain the ultimate peace and order and the rest will be silence.